At this point in my life, I may just be an expert in long distance relationships. Some of my longest-lasting relationships were long distance. Ironically, they ended only after the distance was broken and we were seeing each other every day – on both occasions, I decided to break up with my partner shortly after “reuniting”. The relationships had a better dynamic when there was a distance of thousands of kilometers between us rather than none.
If you’re certain that your partner is the one, and it’s worth the difficulty of withstanding the distance, then there are a few ingredients that will help you make this relationship work.
Below are my personal tips on how to make long distance work for you. Let me know if you have any other tips to add!
1) Communicate. Communicate A LOT.
The key to making a long distance relationship work is to constantly be in touch. You guys should know what the other is up to; update each other on events, funny occurrences, get-togethers, rumors on mutual friends and whatever is on your mind. Keep it relatively short and sweet (say 30-60 minutes a day). Don’t overburden the other person by constantly chasing them.
My suggestion: use a combination of Skype video chat, phone calls, text messages (WhatsApp), and every so often an email is nice as well.
2) Trust is vital.
If there’s no trust for one another, there’s no way this can work out. How can you have a stable relationship if you’re constantly worried about the other person cheating on you or lying to you? You just can’t. If you don’t trust each other, give up on this whole relationship… you will cause yourself more heartache than enjoyment.
Instead, be honest with one another. Tell each other of concerns, updates, anything at all that could otherwise be misconstrued by the other person. Practice honesty and transparency, and leave no room for doubt. It’s the only way to build trust.
3) Thoughtful gifts go the distance
Sending a DIY card, pictures, or gifts that your partner will enjoy is a really nice gesture. At one point, I sent a package with a handwritten note, chocolate and a few other personalized goodies. The recipient was thrilled to receive it and it helped him feel like I was closer to him. It was also a complete surprise – I hadn’t told him I was sending it. Some other awesome ideas of gifts you can send or make are below:
Sources (left to right): 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6
4) Visit each other, but be even about it.
What do I mean by even? I mean that flights, expenses, and trips shouldn’t be placed only on one partner’s shoulders. I made that mistake in the past… whereas I spent thousands of dollars on flights and visits, the person I was dating didn’t do the same in return even once. It made me question his desire to maintain a strong relationship, and I was right to doubt it. You should both be making an effort to be in each other’s lives and see each other as much as possible, even if it means losing out on some way – be it financially, time wise, or salary wise.
5) Keep yourself busy
One of the positives to long distance relationship is the amount of time it gives you to –plain and simple- be you. Take the time for some genuine independent growth; keep yourself distracted, take classes, take up a new hobby or spend time with friends. It will keep you away from obsessing over what your partner is up to and allow you to have a good time meanwhile.
I’ve never been in a long distance relationship, but I imagine trusting each other would be key. And communication is a no brainer, right 🙂
I know what you mean! I was in a long distance relationship with my now husband for 2 years. We sent a lot of emails (whatsapp did not exist then), I have saved all of them 🙂 You have covered the most important points, don’t know what else to add.
Great tips! Trust is key in any relationship but even more so long distance.
I’ve had a long distance relationship TWICE, but both failed due to trust issues and I don’t want to do it again ever.. but who knows right? I don’t know, I’m just not good at this but your tips are wonderful Ronnie! You write some really interesting posts.
I think this is good advice for any relationship. Between my boyfriend and I we work four jobs and there are weeks we barely see each other.This tips are helpful even though we are minutes apart.
I don’t do this kind of stuff cause im married, but those are some useful tips for those who are in a long distance relationship . Thank you
When I was still in high school, my boyfriend moved out of town to go to college and we did the long distance thing for 2 years. I ended up marrying him, so it can work!
Oh My Goshhhhh! I dated a guy in England for three years. We met online. The hardest part of the relationship was having to explain to friends and family that it can work. We did all of the above and then some…Let’s just say if Skype could talk. Lol. Unfortunately in the end we decided to go our separate ways because he had 6 more years in the military before we could be together. We have remained good friends and he’s found love closer to home. It can definitely work. I do believe that!
I could see why all of the things listed above would be important to maintain a long distance relationship. My sis in law’s boyfriend moved all the way from CA to New York and they maintain a healthy relationship so it definitely can be done. I myself would go crazy without seeing my hub every day.
I have never been in a long distance relationship unless you consider the time I was in Boston and my then boyfriend was in Massachusetts (both in different colleges)–no it didn’t ultimately work out.
Some great Tips when i first met hubby he was a fair distance away from me and i think we used to be on the phone all the time to the point i used to fall asleep while on the phone lol,but i do not think we have spent many times away from each other after a few months 🙂
I have been in a few long distance relationships in my past. Two ended with the guy cheating and the other ended with the guy moving to my city, then in with me and now we have been married for 6 years with 2 children! Sometimes it just takes being with the right person, no matter the distance!
It can be so hard – my and my other half were for a while it definitely takes a lot of work but can also be very much worth it. x
These are all definitely a must for long distance relationships. Not just in dating but in marriage too. The husband and I were separated for 2 years while he went through army training and then his first deployment. It sucked. But we did these tips. Talked often. Visited whenever we could. Created meaningful packages for each other. and Trusted each other. Our friends who didn’t do these things often faced divorce at the end of the separation.
I have been there. For almost two years, hubby and I were living miles and miles apart. Constant communication is the key to make the relationship works.
It is so much easier today to make a long distance relationship work. When I was young, there was no computers nor cell phones. We had a pencil, paper and a home phone
I love these tips for long distance relationships. Ive had several and they are hard work!!
I literally had to share this post with a friend of mine before I comment. Lets just say it didn’t work out twice for her and she could really used the helpful tips.
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These are such great tips. I have never been in a long distance relationship, but I know many people who would benefit from this post.
I’m currently in a LDR relationship. It’s really hard, especially since we were used to see each other everyday before Typhoon Haiyan made our families evacuate to different parts of the Philippines. Will be seeing him after 2 months next week 🙂
These are geat tips! My husband is former military and spent the first 4 years of our marriage deployed A LOT. We had to incorporate many of these suggestions into our routine to keep our sanity sometimes.
thank goodness i never had to do the long distance thing ever
I was never in a long distance relationship, but I did meet my hubby 7 years ago on Myspace. He lived near me and took a few weeks before we actually met in person. Good tips though!
This is a very good advice. Thank you! If I find myself in a relationship like this, I’m sure to follow your advice. I especially like the gift idea.
Funny I thought I would never do well in a relationship that was not long distance until I met my husband. He and I both can not handle when one or the other travels. These are great tips though if you have to have a long distance relationship.
I am in an LDR myself – communication is really the key – a lot of things can get messed up by not doing so. Trust is very important that is why I believe that LDR suits those who have a strong foundation in their relationship. 🙂
I have never had a long distance relationship before and don’t anticipate having one but these are great tips. Communicating really is so important but I think if you don’t trust the person it doesn’t matter what else you do, you will eventually break up. Doubt and suspicions will do a relationship in.
Nice tips. I think the most important is trust. If you do not trust each other, then it will never work close or far.
i’m not in that situation but obviously trust is VITAL.
I totally agree with the communication part. When my husband was stationed in the Army, we talked constantly even though we were far away from each other.
I totally agree with your tips. I had a long distance relationship for 3 years with my now husband. 🙂 We’ve been married for 10 years now. And I remember doing the tips you are recommending. You definitely know what your talking about. Sorry to hear the relationships you had didn’t work out, but I’m sure the right one will come along. Usually it’s not who you would expect, as I found out. 🙂